Deja vu preggo

Feb 16 2011

I was 4 days late and was not thinking I was pregnant, I thought something else was wrong. I called my best friend in Kansas and she told me that I needed to go take a pregnancy test as soon as possible. I had only taken one test in the past and honestly thought it was to early and had no idea that you could actually take it 5 days before your missed period. I went to CVS and bought 2 pregnancy test and a huge bottle of water, I was so nervous that I forgot my wallet in the car. After I returned back to the cash register person, she looked at me and told me it would be okay.

I went immedialy home, drinking the water the entire way home. I raced to the bathroom to pee on that awful stick. I sat it down on my bathroom floor and waled out, pacing back and forth down my hallway. I snuck back into the bathroom as if someone was going to catch me looking early at that stick that would determine my fate.....it was positive after 30 seconds. I thought there was no possible way this could be true. I took the second test...still positive!

I went back to the CVS and bought 3 more pregnancy tests, if I was going to tell Derek that he was having a baby I wanted to make absolute sure. side note: I had only taken one other pregnancy test in my life and had no idea how accurate these tests really were, i really though there was a margin of error. Drove back to my apartment and took a third test....positive! I grabbed a backpack, threw some clothes in it and texted Derek that I was on my way to Austin.

Driving to Austin, crying and calling my friend back in Kansas to just talk to me the longest 3 hours of my life. Of course I had to stop to pee, so why not go ahead and pee on another test to make sure.....POSITIVE. That makes four POSITIVE pregnancy tests! The funny thing is I look back and remember still thinking that I may not be pregnant...it was denial than anything else.

Derek called me when I was 40 minutes outside of Austin, he wanted to know why I was coming to see him on Wednesday, although he was excited to see me, he knew something was "wrong." He wanted to know why, he wanted to know right now and I wouldn't tell him over the phone. He got short with me, the first time he had ever done this and I actually contemplated calling him back and telling him over the phone, but I knew this was something I had to do in person.

Traffic was horrible and that last 15 miles to Derek's place took forever. As I ran out of my car and up the stairs to Derek's apartment, I had a fleeting thought that he may not "want" this and I had to prepare myself for anything. Silly thought, I know Derek and he would never walk away from his unborn child. I threw open the door, started to cry and proclaimed, "I AM PREGNANT!!!!!"

His first reaction was a big smile, but he was holding it back to gauge my reaction, he was trying to figure out if I was upset or happy. I was neither...I was scared. I told him not to hold back and that he was allowed to have whatever reaction he wanted and that smile got wider. We spent the rest of that night up talking about all our possibility for OUR future. We were going to do this together and all I have ever wanted for my future children is two loving parents in the same household.